Remarkable Relationships
We are all going to die. Sorry, hard truth!
WARNING: The next question may be a bit uncomfortable for you.
Do you want to die alone?
I’m sure your answer to this was a resounding, “OF COURSE NOT!!”
So why ask such a stupid question? Bear with me for a moment …
I asked an AI (Artificial Intelligence Bot) what percentage of people die alone. I was surprised at the length of time it took to get the answer ~ this was a question that was not an obvious statistic. However AI accessed it far, far faster than if I had tried to piece it all together, and this is the answer I received:
“It is difficult to provide an exact percentage of people who die alone, as it can vary depending on factors such as age, location, and overall health. However, studies have found that a significant number of older adults, particularly those who are socially isolated, may die alone. For example, a study conducted in the United Kingdom found that around 20% of deaths among older adults occurred in people who lived alone.”
Definitely a Bot answer.
studies have found that a significant number of older adults, particularly those who are socially isolated, may die alone
I wonder, if I canvassed nursing homes, hospitals etc what that figure would be. Technically there are always people around and hopefully checking in regularly. But that is not the heart of what I’m getting at.
People die alone for many, many reasons. I found my research to be very interesting because the majority of it was based on health, wealth, and the death of a spouse/partner. I didn’t find much regarding community or other relationships.
My search was to discover the role relationships play in solo deaths.
Logic tells me that if we have excellent relationships, we are less likely to die alone. The more we are involved in community (relationships) the less likely we are to die alone. If my musings are true then we need to have the best relationships we can possibly have within family, friendship, and community.
The essence of a common saying is that when things get tough, you find out who your friends are. That statement is all about relationships.
The first one to have a remarkable relationship with is with yourself!
That includes looking out for yourself, not because you’re a great person, or incredibly intelligent, but because you are alive. You are here to contribute, enjoy, share, to be the best you can be. To love yourself leaves you able to love others.
The second is to have remarkable relationships with those closest to you, usually your family. These are usually the most difficult relationships to make remarkable. They are emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually the most draining type of relationship. Sometimes it has to do with proximity ~ living with family members on a daily basis or living away from close family members for extended periods of time. The most dramatic evidence for this was during the COVID-19 pandemic when we were unable to go anywhere. Divorce and domestic abuse statistics increased extraordinarily. Proof that our closest relationships are not as good as they could be? These people are the ones who know you like no-one else does. That makes you very vulnerable. They know what buttons to push, and generally make your lives great or hell for a very, very long time.
The third is to have remarkable relationships with friends. These are people who mutually benefit from the relationship.There is vested interest here. These are the people that are outside of your immediate family to whom you often share intimate details with; the trusted ones.
The fourth is to have remarkable relationships with others; acquaintances, fellow-faith followers, co-workers, bosses, assistants, teachers, people of influence, those you lead, your network. While these people have less impact on whether you die alone, they are still important relationships for your life. These people can make your life easier or miserable in an instant if your relationships are not up to par.
Have a remarkable relationship with is with yourself…
That includes looking out for yourself, not because you’re a great person, or incredibly intelligent, but because you are alive. You are here to contribute, enjoy, share, to be the best you can be
So, how do we truly create and keep remarkable relationships?
The basis of all great relationships is unarguably, LOVE.
Not the eros (passionate) or phileo (family) love; although they definitely have their place. We’re talking here about unconditional/agape love. This is respectful, unmerited, gracious, and constantly seeking the benefit of the other person, kind of love. There is no way to earn this kind of love, it is given freely.
This kind of love does not require one to even like the other person (unmerited).
This love is not dependent upon performance, ability, status, demeanour, likeability, skills, talents, financial stability, spirituality, grades, habits, beauty, or intelligence. etc. All you need to qualify for this kind of love to be bestowed on you is to be alive.
If we base our thoughts towards another, our attitudes, our speech, our demeanour on this unconditional love then so many of the pieces fall in place. If we have the other person’s best interest at heart as well as our own we will seek win/win situations and we will show empathy towards our fellow humans.
Communication is another key to remarkable relationships!
Whether we are having an argument with someone, or just sharing a moment, the best thing to do is to be quiet and let the other person have their say. LISTEN to hear, not to respond. Reiterate what you believe to be the essence of what the other person is saying (“Is this what I hear you are saying? ….”) Then take your turn making sure you are heard as well (“What did you hear me say?).
Trust is another key to remarkable relationships.
When you share something with someone, or they share something with you, there is an unspoken rule that it is not to be shared. That would be out and out gossip. Gossip creates lack of trust. When I’m asked about another person or to share another person’s experience, I often reply with, “That’s not my story to tell.” I can only tell my story. If I am to share someone’s information it is only after I have okayed it with the individual as well as what I am at liberty to share.
I remember I was told by an individual that they were pregnant. It is not my story to tell, so I didn’t pass on the message to anyone else. Another individual asked me why I had not informed them, as if it was my duty to do so. I replied with, “It’s not my story to tell.” That individual was quite put out, I guess, because I had been told before them, LOL. I am in the business of keeping others' personal information confidential, and that has to be consistent with everyone and everything or my integrity as a life coach is gone and trust is lost.
These are three main keys to begin to have remarkable relationships. There are many more, such as boundaries and commitment, but these three will go a long way in beginning to have remarkable relationships.
I have created a workshop, available on-demand, that goes into these and other keys with more depth. You can access the workshop by e-transferring $47 and then emailing me at 1000islands.coach@gmail.com Subject line: Remarkable Relationships. I will set you up to have permanent access to this workshop.
If you’d like to have more individualized coaching to create the best relationships you can have, let’s chat with a free initial session here:
I look forward to talking with you!!!
I have coached and mentored individuals, and facilitated small groups for over 30 years. I am a strong proponent of walking the walk and talking the talk. When I know something works, I like to pass it on to others!
Go to heatherlynnecoaching.com/workshops for more information and to register for my upcoming workshops or seminars!
About Heather O ‘Reilly
I have coached and mentored individuals, and facilitated small groups for over 30 years. I am a strong proponent of walking the walk and talking the talk. When I know something works, I like to pass it on to others!
Join me and start your journey to spark meaningful change in your life. Discover new strategies and develop good habits by registering for our upcoming workshops at heatherlynnecoaching.com/workshops